I don't really even know where to begin this post.
I spent the evening with the father of one of my very good friends. For some time one of my best friends, but I'm afraid we might have lost him for awhile. I think my friend has some sort of bi-polar/skitzophrenia disorder. He enjoyed a large quantity of drugs for a period of time and it seems to have disloged something. His father, F, came into town today. F is a rather impressive guy. Big time attorney, smart, calm, cool and collected. I've only met him once or twice, but I could see the worry in his eyes when he stepped out of the hotel and into my car. It was palpable. I've never been close to anyone whose child went missing. But it felt as though this man's child was missing. I know generally where his son is. Hell, I could call him or text him right now. But he's definitely missing. Something came loose and nothing has been the same since.
This post is about F. I felt so horrible for him. You could tell that being estranged from his son was absoulutely eating him alive and that he knew there was absolutely nothing he could do. Its terribly sad to see someone so accomplished and who seems to be such a good guy totally demoralized and frightened because he fears for his son and is afraid the boy he used to know and the young man he became may have just left us all forever. It was the unknowing, the fright. I wish I could tell him more, tell him everything is going to be ok, that his son will be the person he knows again, soon. But I couldn't.
I just have no concept of what its like to even have a child, much less fear for that child's well-being on a minute-by-minute basis. Knowing how the sadness I feel paled in comparison to what he was feeling was almost too much for me to bear.
I beleive this would be the ultimate test of pure blind faith. Faith that something, someone out there is in control and that things really do happen for reasons we are incapable of understanding. I guess I just wonder if I have it.